Sure, although wouldn't that be copyright infrigement?

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Posted by BlackSunshineAZ ( on November 17, 2004 at 23:12:44:

In Reply to: Re: Hustler mag article on SSing posted by Happy Boy on November 17, 2004 at 01:49:22:

: any chance you could transcribe or scan it for us? i for one would love to check it out (and any other articles folks may have)

Al, please remove this post if you'd rather not have copyrighted material posted here.


From the January 2001 issue of Hustler

Because They Can
The Risks and Rewards of Autofellatio
By Dan Kapelovitz
Illustration by Steve Nazar

[cartoon image of a man selfing and being caught in the act by his girlfriend]

A stocky, hairy bird-watcher creeps through the woods, peering into a pair of binoculars. In the near distance, he spies his wife, a Pat Benatar lookalike who has a nylon scarf around her neck and a cunt-flap-lapping lesbian between her legs. Before long, the hirsute naturalist has his pants around his ankles and his ten-inch dick in his hand. The pudgy meat-beater leans forward and fits his beef stick into his mouth. “Not bad,” he says, then vigorously blows his own bone.

A big-breasted woman in running togs stumbles upon the rotund hair ball while he gobbles his gonads. The babe cringes in horror. Oh, my God. What a perverse, disgusting pig, she thinks, even though she is transfixed by the spectacle. How does he do it? Maybe that would make me happy to suck it like he’s doing. Taken by catlike curiosity, the jogger pulls the man’s pork out of his hand and sucks it into her mouth.

“Here, like this,” the fatty says, reclaiming his dork and rolling his tongue around the purple cock head.

* * *

This scene from Lips, a 1981 skin flick starring Vanessa Del Rio and featuring Ron Jeremy orally satisfying himself, firmly established the Hedgehog’s reputation as both a porn legend and a porcine degenerate. The performance also inspired a generation of autofellationists.

“I’ve been sucking myself since I was about 12, when I saw Ron Jeremy do it in a movie,” testifies Rico Esteves, a pornophile from Tucson, Arizona. “It wasn’t hard: All I did was lean over and stick my dick in my mouth, and it felt good.”

Esteves is unusually limber. Otto, a business-school student in Michigan, beat a much tougher path to blowjob independence. “I had to stretch out a lot, because at first I was like four inches away, but I did some low-impact aerobics, and I got closer and closer. Finally, I could fit the whole head in my mouth. It helps to take a warm bath first, because that relaxes the muscles, but it really just takes a lot of stretching.”

Otto concedes that, although his hard-won still is handy and satisfying, the navel-gazing nature of self-sucking can be alienating. “My wife loses interest before I come,” Otto says. “She says things like, ‘Why do you need me if you can do it yourself?’ or ‘What do I get out of this?’”

Autofellatio might be the ultimate narcissistic act, but Rico Esteves has found a way to include his sex partner in the experience.

“My girlfriend loves to watch me self-suck.” Esteves says. “Our favorite thing is for me to suck off my cock while she works on my balls and ass. When I’m ready to blow my load, both our mouths are there to catch all the cum.”

Famed sexologist Alfred Kinsey turned his scholarly gaze to self-suckers in 1948; he reported that, although self-fellation was a common means of masturbation among rhesus monkeys, chimps and other primates, only two or three makes in 1,000 were able to orally masturbate. Gary Griffin, author of The Art of Auto-Fellatio, believes that Kinsey’s estimate is too low.

“A much greater number would be able to fellate themselves if they were to undergo a program of proper conditioning, stretching and yoga exercises over a period of months,” Griffin says.

Through the gradual stretching and strengthening of muscles in the legs and back, a determined oananist may find himself capable of chewing his own cud.

“You don’t think all of this renewed interest in yoga is about becoming a more peaceful person, do you?” asks Hans Hoeller, a personal trainer in Taos, New Mexico. “It’s about becoming limber enough to suck yourself off, and that will make any man a bit more Zen.”

The most common autofellatio position is called “The Plow,” in which the self-fellator lies on his back and flips his legs over his head. Another contortion entails grabbing the thighs and leaning down in either a sitting (“Over Easy”) or standing position (“The Stork”) while pulling the mouth toward the crotch. Also popular is the “X,” wherein the sucker crosses his legs behind his head, leans down and opens wide.

Some men are naturally predisposed to make a cock-mouth connection, says Al Eingang, who has produced and starred in autofellatio videos such as Blown Alone and Self-Sufficient.

“There are people who do it the first time. Then there are people who have been trying for ten years and still can’t do it,” Eingang says. “It’s a mix of natural flexibility and determination.

“It also helps if to have a big cock”, notes Eingang on his Web site,, “not because men with big dicks are more flexible, but because if your cock is eight inches long, you’ll get to it two inches sooner than a six-incher would. Also, you need patience while you learn to stretch safely, and men with eight inches require two more inches less patience than men with six inches.”

For Eingang and other enthusiasts, the wonders of the do-it-yourself hummer makes a determined effort worthwhile. “It’s the best blowjob you could ever get, because you have complete control of it,” says Eingang.

For all of the apparent advantages of being able to receive oral gratification in the absence of a giving and willing female mouth, there are risks as well.

Oral masturbation may appear to be the low-risk pleasure of choice in the age of AIDS, but some men should consider wearing a condom before bobbing on their own knobs. It’s entirely feasible for a person with oral herpes to transmit the virus to his penis by way of autofellatio.

“It would be a possibility,” says an operator who fields calls at an STD hotline. “You might want to be cautious about it.”

Aside from the dangers of transmitting diseases, would-be-self-suckers must be careful not to strain too much in their quest to take matters into their own mouths. “I know several individuals who greedily pushed themselves for that last inch without being fully conditioned,” says Gary Griffin. “The strain has placed more than one man on the chiropractor’s table.”

Autofellatio is not just potentially dangerous from a physical standpoint; it might also be against the law. Several states have laws on the books banning oral sex between two consenting adults. Could an overzealous district attorney extend the blowjob ban to a single consenting adult?

“You never know; it might fly,” says John Paul Riechmuth, a Silicon Valley criminal defense attorney. “I wouldn’t be surprised in the least if a law prohibiting autofellatio were upheld by the present Supreme Court.”

Self-suckers spend months limbering up to the point of being able to blow themselves; they risk disease, jail time and alienating their girlfriends in order to sample their own splooge straight from the source. Simple curiosity and loneliness can’t adequately account for the autofellationist’s zeal.

“Homosexuality may be a factor,” suggest Steven, a New Yorker who stretched out for three weeks in an effort to suck his own dick, but abandoned the quest. “Some of these guys are in the closet.”

Although there appears to be something decidedly queer about bringing the penis in contact with the male mouth, Hans Hoeller believes that a man’s sexual orientation boils down to a matter of taste.

“It depends on whether you enjoy the feeling of your dick in your mouth or the feeling of your mouth around your dick,” Hoeller theorizes. “I enjoy sucking myself, and I have never been with another man sexually at all. I think it’s simply the best possible form of masturbation people can privately treat themselves to.”

“It’s just masturbation,” Rico Esteves agrees. “If sucking yourself off is gay, then jacking yourself off would be gay too.” Esteves ignores a salient point: There may be nothing especially homosexual about a man touching his own penis, but then most pud pullers don’t shoot the load into their own faces or down their throats, a common practice among self-suckers.

Perhaps tooting one’s own horn has to do with an overabundance of self-love—many autofellationists are unabashed narcissists. “I’m a big fan of myself,” autofellator Walker says vie E-mail. “I have everything I look for in a person.”

Walker’s attitude seems to be extreme; for most self-suckers, autofellatio is just about doing their own thing.

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