My Interview in Forum Magazine UK

blacksunshineaz · Post by **blacksunshineaz** » Sat Jun 14, 2008 1:50 pm

I was recently interviewed by a writer from Forum Magazine in the UK, and the article was recently published in Vol. 42, No. 6.

Below is the full interview, of which only a part was published:

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I was 13 or 14 when I was first tried to suck myself. I was in my bedroom with my door locked masturbating and got the idea to try to lick it. I was sort of flexible so I threw my left leg over my head and locked my ankle behind my neck. This gave me sufficient leverage and with a little effort I was able to lick the head of my cock. I tried a few more times but got frustrated that I couldn't actually get it in my mouth. Licking it was an interesting feat but it didn't feel erotic. I gave up after a while thinking there was no way I'd be able to actually suck on it. I never told anybody about it. I went to school the next day and as I walked past other students I thought to myself, "I have a secret, I can lick my penis".

It wasn't until I was in college that I was visiting an adult bookstore and found a book called "The Art Of Autofellatio" by Gary Griffin. It was a thin paperback and I believe the price was $19.99. Money was tight so I didn't want to spend money on this little book that I couldn't look through first. However, a few weeks later the curiosity got the best of me and I went back to buy it. Unfortunately, they no longer had any copies. I didn't have the nerve to ask the clerk about it in person so I went home and called them to see if they could get any more copies. The clerk said she never heard of the book and couldn't find anything in the computer. I regretted not buying it when I saw it the first time.

A couple of years later I visited the same store and they had it again. I bought it and rushed home to look at it. The book had some photos but they were black and white and of very poor quality. Regardless, this book was proof that I wasn't the only guy that tried it. Some could do it quite good and that excited me. While I never had any feelings that trying it would make me gay, I felt like a pervert and wasn't about to let anybody know I used to do it. Yet, it became a passion for me.

(The book can be purchased on Amazon and I bought the next edition when it came out.)

I tried though. I was still skinny then, but was very inflexible. I tried in my dorm room and used a ruler to see how far away I was from making contact. With my erection (7 inches), the ruler wasn't even long enough. I estimated I was 14 inches away. I've never been able to touch my toes and I figured it was pointless. I did notice a flyer posted in the laundry room or the dorm for yoga classes at the student rec center. I figured yoga would help me get flexible, but my school and work schedule wouldn't allow me to attend the classes.

Around this time (1995 or so) the Internet gained popularity, and with it, online porn. Now that I knew what the act was called, I was able to find quality pictures of guys that could do it. From that point on, I collected every picture, video, and article I could find on the subject. While I wasn't yet able to do it, this was something I fantasized about. I had dreams I was sucking myself with ease, and awoke wishing it was not just a dream.

After college, I got my own apartment and had adequate room to perform stretches that would help me close the gap between my tongue and my penis. I tried several positions; sitting in an office chair, bent forward with my arms locked under my thighs; or lying on the floor with my legs over my head with my feet braced against a sofa or the wall. I heard that soaking in hot water made your muscles more flexible so I used to lie in the bathtub with hot water. I could rotate myself 90 degrees so my back was against the long edge of the tub and my butt against the opposite side. Using my arms, I could put both feet sole-to-sole and lift my legs over my head and could just about get both ankles behind my head.

After several months of trying, and two days after my 28th birthday, I made the first tongue-penis contact in 14 years. It was a good feeling; I had regretted not trying harder when I was younger. I figured if I hadn't given up then, I might be able to probably deep-throat myself. But it was a start. I had gained several pounds around the waist since college, so it was a struggle. I purchased a digital camera around that time and took several pictures of myself doing it. As well, I used a mirror to watch myself take the head of my cock between my lips. Seeing that turned me on, but more than the actual feeling of my tongue caressing the glans. I had read online that several guys had tried it and were able to lick it, but it did nothing for them and they deemed it a waste of time. I knew better because Iâ€™ve seen photos and videos of other guys that could suck all of it. If I could get more flexible, I might be able to take the head in my mouth, past the teeth, where I could actually suck on it. Then it might feel good.

What I've seen, the best position for me is legs over head. Basically, I'm standing on my neck and shoulders on the floor or bed, with my legs over myself and braced against a stationary object. I found that it's actually easier if I don't have an erection when I do this as the angle of attack is such that I can stretch my limp penis easier toward my mouth than having my erection pointing down toward me. I wish I knew about this position when I was younger because I think I would have had better results. I can't do the legs behind the neck position anymore; it hurts my abdominal muscles. I could occasionally sit on a chair and bend forward, but this is difficult and the best I could ever do was get my lips on the head. I canâ€™t come very close when standing and bending over.

I did hurt myself once. I strained too much and hurt my back. It was two months before it got better and I was worried I might have caused permanent damage. Aside from that, muscle and ligament strain is the worst I've had. On the nights where I'd stay up late practicing, I'd get sleepy and need to stop. Lying down on the bed immediately after was agony. My back started spasming and to this day I occasionally have back spasms when I lay down on the bed.

I bought a house the following year and it was nice to get out of the apartment. Unfortunately, it didn't have a tub like the apartment so my stretching regimen would have to be modified. I continued trying 1-2 times a week and the best I could do was get the head 1/3 of the way past my teeth. I continued to take pictures and collect anything I could find in the subject, including books and DVDs.

You may wonder I want to do this so much. I've been an avid masturbator for as long as I can remember. I see autofellatio as the ultimate form of masturbation. Now that I'm married and have sex regularly, I still feel the need to masturbate several times a week. Unfortunately, I don't get to practice autofellatio very often. I (temporarily) lost the ability about a year ago. I need to lose a few pounds and get flexible again. I had a gym membership for a little over a year but canceled it because I rarely went.

My wife knows I could do it. I showed her the pictures and tried to show her a couple of Times in person, but was barely able to lick it the one time I did make contact. She is supportive of it and doesnâ€™t think itâ€™s weird. However, I havenâ€™t told too many people because I donâ€™t think theyâ€™d understand. While most guys have probably dreamed about it (and few tried it and fewer succeeded), few will fess up to it because there is a homosexual stigma associated with it. I donâ€™t understand this; it canâ€™t be gay because Iâ€™m doing to myself. If I wanted to suck another guy off, that would be so much easier. However, that doesnâ€™t interest me.

I had promised myself to never lose the ability to do this, but for the past year I've let myself down. Aside from my belly, I have a long torso and long legs. I guess that makes things a little more difficult. I have to do a tighter bend to make contact than someone who is shorter. I'm 6'2" and my wife is 5'3" and we can drive each other's cars without having to adjust the seat because our legs are about the same length. My hamstrings are very tight and if I could loosen them a bit I think it would be helpful.

I like the feeling of my cock between my lips, especially when I'm hard and the head is engorged. While I couldn't get much in to feel like a real blowjob, it was a surreal experience for me. The lips have a lot of nerve endings and I think thatâ€™s why some people like to give head.

I've tasted my cum. In small amounts I like it. A full load is kinda gross. When I did do this I would jack off with my cock inches from my mouth. Usually when I felt like I was going to cum I'd get up and shoot off on a towel or run to the bathroom. Sometimes I did shoot in my mouth. Once I actually came when my tongue was touching the head.

I do feel fortunate that I've been able to get back into it after so many years, even after my current inability to do it. I have photographic evidence that I could do it. I don't own a video camera so I don't have any video, although I wish I did. If I ever get to where I can do it again I'd like to make a video, although I wouldnâ€™t share it with anybody.

I started a Yahoo! Club (now Yahoo! Groups) in 2001 in attempt to network with other selfsuckers. So far I havenâ€™t met anybody in my city, but I would like to, to get together and talk shop. I've put some pictures online but cropped them so most of my face isn't visible. Yahoo! changed their policies regarding photos so my pictures arenâ€™t in the group anymore.

Black Sunshine

Zelfzuiger · Post by **Zelfzuiger** » Sat Jun 14, 2008 4:21 pm

ok.. this is impossible to read for me. Someone needs to fix the space & sentence transport first.

sorry!

beasterilla · Post by **beasterilla** » Sat Jun 14, 2008 7:34 pm

Tried to edit for spaces, but the forums engine doesnt allow for spaces and gaps in text.. I find this pretty stupid ? lol.. anyways.

blacksunshineaz · Post by **blacksunshineaz** » Sun Jun 15, 2008 12:50 am

I entered line breaks, but the forum software discards them. Al must have done an upgrade at some point to the forum software and it got broke. Unfortunately, there isn't anything I can do about this as I am the moderator, not the administrator. You gotta love open source software.

Post by **aleingang69** » Sun Jun 15, 2008 7:01 am

I know, I Know! I've been trying to get someone from the PHPBB community to help me to figure out what's up for months now and so far, obviously, I"m not having any luck. re-installing the software doesn't take all that long, but I have a whole bunch of modifications that I've added over the years and that will take LONG time to replicate. Sorry!
Al

makeax · Post by **makeax** » Sun Jun 15, 2008 5:19 pm

How many of those mods do we actually use?

blacksunshineaz · Post by **blacksunshineaz** » Mon Jun 16, 2008 12:09 am

Is there way to roll back the last update (unless that was to take care of the rampant spam problem). Have you checked if there's been another update since the one that was last installed? Somebody has to have noticed by now that something wasn't right with that release.

Post by **aleingang69** » Mon Jun 16, 2008 7:29 am

Oh the joys of user-updated, modded software! The problem appeared sometime after the mod to control spam (very, very successfully!) was installed, but before the update to the latest version of PHPBB. -----
I've gone over the anti-spam mod code a couple of times to make sure I did it right and it seems OK, and none of it looks to my inexperienced eye like anything that would cause the problem we're having anyway. ---
I don't know if I accidentally messed up some other unrelated code when I was doing the update or if it's just code-rot. ------
One of the PHPBB team members keeps on saying he's going to look at it and then doesn't get around to it. I got frustrated enough that I offered to pay him to look at it but that's a violation of the PHPBB rules. Hopefully he'll get around to it soon!

beasterilla · Post by **beasterilla** » Tue Jun 17, 2008 7:37 pm

We'll all I did was copy it into wordpad, took 1 minute to put spaces at each 4 lines down, and read it.. took within 5 minutes..

Good read !.. thanks for sharing m8

blacksunshineaz · Post by **blacksunshineaz** » Tue Jun 17, 2008 7:55 pm

Sure this an annoyance, but it's better than all the spam we had before. I think most of you guys have no idea how much spam Al and I were deleting on a daily basis.

seahorses · Post by **seahorses** » Wed Jun 18, 2008 3:05 am

I donâ€™t know if being dyslexic has anything to do with it, but I had no problem reading your post and what a fascinating piece it is; it bares many similarities to my own story.

Unlike you, I was able to suck myself when young and did it regularly, but a back injury playing rugby stopped me for some considerable time as I could only get to within a couple of inches before it became too painful. I took up vacuum pumping, having read an article (believe it or not, in forum magazine), claiming I could gain up to 4 inches in length. Being young and nieve I believed it! However, as time passed either the pain lessened or my desire to selfsuck suppressed it and gradually I returned to first licking and finally getting the head in. Iâ€™m still nowhere near to where I was when younger but itâ€™s better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick! Like you, I discovered the bath tub technique and for a while became the cleanest guy in town. My sessions also included a mirror and a Polaroid, but I never kept the pictures, fearing someone, somehow would discover them.

I also devised an aid in the form of an adjustable loop that I put my legs through up towards my buttocks and bending forward, slip the other end over my head and around the back of my neck. Pushing back with my legs and parting them pulls my head in closer towards my cock. After a few moments I can make small adjustments that brings me even closer. I use this mainly for loosening up in combination with stretching and other exercises, normally finishing up in the plough position on the bed.

My first wife never knew of my ability, though she discovered I pumped and went ape and most of my activities took place while she worked shifts. I told my present wife of all pastimes once our relationship looked set; I had to make sure she was sympathetic before we tied the knot! Though she assisted me once and understands, sheâ€™s never really got involved and as my sexual requirements are greater than hers, itâ€™s never been a problem.

Itâ€™s a pity you and I are so far apart Blacksunshine, as Iâ€™m sure we could have many an interesting conversation over a pint or two. It would be interesting too to se the reactions of any casual eavesdroppers!